llamasarenar

I just wanted you to smile
i tried my best to make you happy
to make you laugh
to be the reason you smile
but it wasn't enough

when you thought of me
i wanted you to only smile
when you missed me
i wanted you to tell me
when i was with you
i wanted you to want to hold my hand
when you left
i wanted you to hug me tightly
and never go
but I wasn't enough

I miss how you held my hand
moved my hair out of my eyes
the way you looked at me
the way you said my name
the way it felt in your arms

but i don't miss

waiting for you to call
only to never hear your voice
waiting for you to come over
and never showing up
wanting to see you or hear your voice
and only being forgotten

how it felt everytime you told me a lie
when i got ditched and ignored
when i wanted nothing more then to be with you
but your heart was untrue
i didn't mean anything to you

You blindly threw me away
and offered to remain in my life
as someone i could talk to
but where were you
when I was yours

I know you don't miss me
i still think about you
i wish i didn't
i wonder if you even shed a tear
everything is left so unclear

i am left wanting someone i cant have
wanting someone who doesn't think of me
and i hate myself for liking him
and how he makes me feel this way
when he was just playing with my head
and making my heart believe it was safe

you told me what you had to say
then went your own way
leaving me behind with all these pieces
i must let them stay where they lay
and walk down a new path without you
i can't hold onto to someone who is already gone
but i know i am not alone

I was finally happy
or atleast thought I was
until you came into my life
You gave me a reason to smile
even though it soon broke
i turned out to be nothing more than a joke

You made me believe your words had meaning
made me fall for every line
I thought you would be different
but i made myself believe a lie
just like every word you ever spoke

i would hang on every compliment
every string of pretty words
believing you actually cared
not knowing you were only here
to break my smile

and i am left crying
with all this confusion
you just walked out of my life
without any warning

You made your decision
only thinking of yourself
you were too selfish to look me in the eye
and tell the truth cuz all you do is lie
every look and touch never held meaning
and my chest is screaming

what hurts is i meant every word
and i know i was nothing more then just another girl
i let myself live in delusions
not thinking you would leave
because in "you and me" i believed

I trusted you and let you in
but you just threw me away
and don't look back on me
you never concerned yourself with me
and your face i never want to see

all the times i was ignored
pushed aside, disreguarded
i should have shielded myself
I should have been wiser

I wish we never met
i just want to forget
i want back the smile you destroyed
I want back the times you didn't deserve
I want back every embrace wasted on you
I want back the feelings I shared with you

I don't want this pain
I'm tired of crying
I want to erase your memory
I want you to be erased
I want you to feel as insignificant
as i did at your side

all these feelings i choose to hide
i hold them deep down
I try my best to smile everyday
When i want to cry I try to laugh
when i think of you I remind myself
he's not thinking of you
so don't waste your heart
he's the reason its all torn apart

i'll put myself back together
i know this wont last forever
one day i can look back on this
and laugh cuz i know i deserve better then you
but you still mean alot to me
something id rather not admit

each night i lay on this pillow of tears
created by all the hateful things
you like to drown me in my past
youre always ready to attack
when it is you with the knife in my back

how selfish can you be
to say those things to me
after months and months of this pathetic state
you say you wanted to see if things would work
when you were just with random girls

i cant go back to just being there
when youre feeling lonely
only to ignore the next day
when all i needed was to hear your voice
but all you wanted was your cousins x
or another ugly bitch
youre such a dick

everytime you open your mouth
im unable to know if its real or just another lie
you always change what you say
or mean it in some other way
when its obvious i just dont mean anything
not since the first day

when everything falls on me
you got to stop pretending you have no flaws
that i am completely at fault
texting girls and always lieing
breaking promises and random pictures surfacing
and you cant lie your way out of it
im fucking sick of it

i messed up
but you helped just as much
i accepted what you wanted
and gave you your time
but all you did was fill it with girls
each day these tears would fall
and i wouldnt even call

i would deal with the pain all alone
cuz obviously you didnt care
you just went on to someone else
and now i know everytime you made love to me
was just another lie
and everytime you said i love you
i was just another random girl

and what really hurts is i still love
i want to make it all up to you
but you wouldnt give me the chance
you just tell me what i want to hear
when you want to dig the dagger in deeper
well dig deeper cuz everything is becoming clearer

now youre left swimming in the drugs
snorting pills and downing shots
getting in accidents and paying fines
random bitches at your side
closer and closer to death
because youre never off your phone
one day it will be be the last time your car collides

the years have gone by
these eyes have run dry
these legs are weary
i can now see clearly

the love never existed
my whole perception was twisted
to make me believe you cared
now all the lies are burying me
but the finger is still in my direction
when it should be showing your reflection

how can you place the blame
when you lied from the beginning
you looked me in the eyes so many times
saying those words that never meant a thing
always making up stories

as i sit here and worry
if youre out getting drunk
are you driving on your phone
are you paying attention
did someone else hit his trunk

but none of that crosses your mind
youre to blind from the bitches
too blind from the drugs
your putting up in your nose
this hatred is making me numb
its disgusting what youve become

hiding thoughts of sex with her
then calling me because youre lonely
when you know shes a whore
but all you care about is the score
i dont know how you even look at yourself anymore

denying all the accusations
only to tell on yourself later
cuz you cant keep it together
all the stories keep changing
and you i cant stop hating

do you really think im that stupid
that eventually someone wouldnt slip and let it out
you have no real friends
theyre all just like you
theyll stab you in the back in the end
all theyre ready to do is attack you
if it means being right or better then you
even for a moment they wont hesitate
to step on you

i love you
but its not the same
the love has faded
its not how it use to be
were not how we use to be
weve changed

you smile at me
not like you use to
your not as happy
as you were before

your eyes
they dont look at me
full of love
they are always sad
i cant fix whats broken
but i can set you free

i can never
come up with thins to say
to change what is done
or to take us back
to when we were happy

although i love you
i feel like this is just a lie
you wont admit it
but i know you feel it too

our days are filled
with worries, accusations
i am only here for you
but its never enough

i could cut off the world
and jsut be yours
but it wouldnt be enough
nothing i do
seems good enough anymore

i feel like nothing
i dont matter
no one cares
not anymore

everyone has left me
so i will stay alone
no use in finding another
for they will only leave

i am destined
to live alone
and never be happy in love
to never feel fulfilled

id rather not wake up tomorrow
if sleep would ever come
but its never that easy
nothing ever is
not anymore

nothings the same
not like it use to be

left alone with no one
each day spent isolated
no one seems to call
my voice is no longer needed

i will speak with my eyes
for you never look at me
i am like a shadow
i am always there
but you never notice
atleast not anymore

you step on me
im still there
the sun dissappears
but never do i
and somehow
you still make me feel
invisible

i will never know love
atleast not again
everyone has deserted me
i have lost myself
i dont even know me

i have changed into someone else
my face is not mine
the words i speak
do not belong to me
although they are mine
someone is controlling me

a part of me has left
i am not who i use to be
i feel as if
i woke up as someone else
living another life
that is not mine

who am i
i dont know anymore
i feel lost
someone find me
and make me whole again

loneliness consumes me
friends no longer exist
my shadow has escaped
i am left with nothing

days, hours, minutes
they feel like forever
laying staring at the ceiling
seeing faces come and go
no one seems to stay anymore

once surrounded by laughter
now engulfed in silence
nothing seems the same
everyday gets harder

to blink, to move, to breathe
the reasons why
seem to escape me at this time

no goals, no future
so why care
n one seems to anyway

now i distance myself
from anyone i meet
theres no point in talking
ill never see you again
and it doesnt really matter
nothing does

depression no
maybe im in a slump
but then i think
i just hate everyone

friends dont exist
not a real friend anyway
you can try to talk to me
but im not listening
ill just walk away
because in the end
you wont even remember me

i have become invisible
being alone is all i know
but ill become stronger
i dont need anyone

friends, family, loved ones
they will all leave you in the end
so ill shut off the world
i will not care
i will never feel again
i have become extinct

Your so indecisive
your so aggravating
but i find you so intriguing

you can never say
whats on your mind
you look at me
with such lonely eyes
i can never read them

your so complicated
no your so infuriating
but when your arms are all around me
none of that seems to matter

im not ready to let you go
but im not capable
of saying how i feel
im not sure what i want
but right now
i want to be right here
living in this moment

lets not speak another word
lets just hold each other
and gaze into the stars
lets blend into the night

we are swaying with the grass
the wind is so calming
the night is so brilliant
open fields hide us
from wandering eyes
we are one in this moment

no more lies
no more tears just hold my hand
and drift away
into the midnight sky

time passes so slowly which suits me just fine
i could lay here forever
with you by my side
promise me you wont go

ill fall asleep with you right here
just say you'll be there
when i open my eyes

your so loving
your so wonderful
your so beautiful
and your all mine

the music is louder
the guitar is heavier
my hate has lifted
and the anger has risen
from deep within my soul

i hate you with all of my being
with each breath i curse your name
i spit on the day i met you
the first kiss just makes me sick
and thoughts of you touching me
makes death feel like heaven

i am unable
to put up with being put aside
i should be first
but youd rather choose
a friend with a car
or drugs
when i can make you happier
then your greatest dream

but you only provoke
my unhappiness
when i am one of the sweetest people
but you rarely allow me to be

for being me is not to your standards
nothing seems satisfying anymore
if i dont get you high

for a couple days is impossible
when it use to be simple
but now i am left behind
an dput back on the shelf

im starting to get dusty
when will you remember
that you once loved me
more than everything
your putting before me

you use to be filled with pretty words
and adoring eyes
but now
you let yourself become someone i dont know

this person is new to me
i am confused with
what you say and how you act
around me when were alone
and around other people

there is more than one side
of you that you have in there
deny it all you want
i know you like i know your body

i only wanted love
but it faded as did i
but now i hold on
when your still slipping
but i wont let you fall
even though i now believe i should

lies are all that is left
the story changes
repeatedly
nothing ever makes sense
not anymore

so i will burn the pictures
and rip the drawings
and carve out your memory
for your face i wish to never see again

those hands i wish to never feel
all i have is hate and anger
that you have risen inside of me

all the random girls
and random calls
you make up excuses
or get so defensive
its hard not to believe
something else is forming
and you are trailing off
to another path
that doesnt lead to me

for i stand waiting
arms stretched out
eyes raining
but you turn away

you chose your drugs
your pleasure
your alibi
your reliever
your obsession
your addiction
your love
your everything

but where does that leave me
an empty space
is left inside of me

a love you have taken away
and tossed aside
for everything you told me
was just to say it
and lets be honest
you got played for the fool